emmelinemay: (Mr Creazil)
Clips from the memorial for Sophie Lancaster from Saturday.

There's some photos here (I didn't even see the camera - I was a bit shocked to see my face there) and an article.

trying to make sense of my thoughts )
emmelinemay: (Default)
Life is a cliff. Everyone is standing on the cliff. Some people are further inland, and can see the view, and enjoy the breeze. Other people are closer to the edge. No-one is ever still, of course. People move closer to the edge, people move further back.

People with depression, they're on the edge. They find it very difficult to move inland, where the others are, even if they want to.

Always permanantly on the edge of holding your arms out to the side, and just letting yourself fall, and fall, and fall.

Falling is frightening, but in some ways it's easier than waiting to fall. Sometimes it's easier just to let yourself fall.

Along the cliff face are many ledges, branches, rocks. You can grab them if you try.

And the thing about falling, is once you are falling, it's very very very hard to grab those branches. It's fucking hard. And you know that once you've grabbed them, you have to start climbing back up again.

And the further you've let yourself fall, the further you have to climb.

And sometimes falling is easier.

But you can't fall forever, can you? At some point, you will hit the ground, or climb back up.

Depression isn't a fixed thing. You're not either fine, or depressed. It's not a hole you're either in or out. It's not like a light switch, on or off. It's a whole scale, with phases of ok-ness. You're standing on the cliff. You're standing on the edge. You're holding your arms out and falling forwards. You're falling. You're reaching out for the cliff face. You're holding on. You're climbing back up.

And sometimes you haven't the strength, even if you want to.


emmelinemay: (Default)

February 2015



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