emmelinemay | Paedophile helpline may help cut risk of offence

WHERE does a man go who thinks he is in danger of abusing a child? Where does he turn if he starts having sexual thoughts about youngsters or is tempted to seek out images on the internet?

Surprisingly, given the efforts of both the authorities and charities to tackle child abuse, services to help to prevent potential abusers from offending are virtually non-existent.

I'd never thought about this before. I, like I imagine a large number of the population, have a knee-jerk CUT THEIR BALLS OFF¹ reaction when it comes to kiddy-fiddlers.

But where *do* you go if you realise you are having 'thoughts', and you know it's wrong? Who can you tell? There's such a MASSIVE stigma over admitting these sorts of things. I am guilty of the same assumptions, if a close friend came to me and admitted they'd been having these 'thoughts' I honestly don't know how I'd take it. Would I recognise their cry for help and try to help them through it? Or would I instantly see them as 'sick' and avoid them? I rally can't answer that question.

I wonder how many people are out there who need help and can't ask for it, because the very act of asking for help could ruin your life? How many people end up actually committing a criminal act because there is no 'safe' way to ask for help?

Interesting indeed. What do you think? It's such a taboo subject, isn't it? And one that inspires such a strong immediate reaction, it's one that it's hard to be rational about, especially if someone in your family was a victim.

1 - or clit, i know woman can be peados too...

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Did you read Mary Warnock on this in the Obs a couple of weeks ago?

I do not think it should be a criminal offence to have 'thoughts'. Following up on such thoughts by downloading child abuse pictures is something I think probably should be, though.

-x-

That's the difficulty, isn't it, making an atmosphere where someone with 'thoughts' that aren't right can actually seek help for those 'thoughts' before it turns into anything more than that.

If they're willing to seek help before committing a crime, perhaps they have a better chance of not hurting a child than letting thoughts fester until they do. A helpline could be a start.

This is going to sound controversial but bear with me. Is it possible to control your sexual fantasy/desire? Some people's brains might just be wired that way and they _don't_ want it to be, it just is. If a sexual desire is repressed then doesn't it make it stronger? If people could be identified, the ones that have thoughts but don't want to act on it/are confused/know that to mess with a kid is plain wrong then there is a case for "allowing" them access to child porn, BUT not _real_ child porn. It is possible with today's computers and imagery to make up a completely fictious image that is not real children at all. A bit like giving methodone to heroin addicts to help wean them off it. Perhaps? I honestly don't know. I think that there is, as with most things, different levels. Someone who's having thoughts is no where on the same level as someone who downloads 2000 images a month and is part of a peado ring doing horrid things to kids. People like that are plain twisted and wrong and have no intention of getting help or stopping, they indeed should have their anatomy and hands smashed. Someone who can't help having thoughts but wants/needs help is entirely different.

You can control your sexual desire, it's the basis for a lot of religious practices (there are notable examples of failures, but i suspect most practitioners succeed, AFAIR a large part of some forms of buddhism involve reaching emlightenment through the rising above desire in all forms, i could be wrong though)

That is indeed very true. They get training and aid with how to control those sexual desires, I doubt they could do it successfully alone, so perhaps they do need to provide more help in how to keep a lid on it for people with those kind of desires.

Re-reading what I wrote I think I should have also put is it possible to control what your sexual desire is?

I think that there is a very important difference between having sexual thoughts (of whatever sort) and acting on them in non-consensual ways.

e.g. if consenting adults engage in age-play, that's fine; if kids are involved, that is 100% not fine. (similarly, if consenting adults engage in BDSM, forms of sexual violence, etc etc, that's also OK; violent non-consensual sex is not OK.) Fantasy != reality.

The bottom line is - as in fact it is with any sort of sexual interaction - consent. (& children are not considered able to consent)

Thinking things isn't (& shouldn't be) illegal. CGI, or dressed-up adults, or whatever, also IMO shouldn't be illegal, for much the same reason. There are two possible problems there:

1) The "encouragement" argument - that people will see these (fictious) things & be more likely to commit the actual crime. That's the same argument for banning violent films & so on. While it's still OK to show (via CGI or other fiction) a child being murdered, I'm not clear why it should be less OK for sexual assault/abuse.

2) Concern about being able to tell the difference - obviously at present this isn't an issue with CGI, but it might be with fictional photos/film.

Good points. I guess that there could indeed be an issue, if they saw a fictious image they might then go on the believe that it isn't fictious and think that it's OK to go do that, which of course it isn't. As their fantasy relam overlaps into reality, which wouldn't be ok at all. As technology get's better it would be increasingly difficult to differentiate between the two.

Perhaps then the only way is for them to have help/therapy or some sort of course that teaches them coping strategies with having those kind of desires and how to not act on them. If there's no help available to them at all then they might "feel" like there's no choice but to go down the route that leads to these crimes being committed.

There shouldn't be controversy over the way someone is wired, and I'm glad that the needs of these people are being addressed. It's in everyone's best interest that there are state-funded treatment facilities to help paedophiles deal with their urges.

unfortunately, state funding can't keep you afloat (trust me, i work for a state funded charity and we're flailing badly). I can see that there'd be *huge* problems garnering financial support for an enterprise like this because the majority of the population aren't as rational and reasoning as those on my friends list...

...and unfortunately it will ultimately be the children who suffer for our ignorance.

I believe that some people genuinely can't help the fact that they only find children sexually attractive. It must be an incredibly difficult life for people who have those urges and avoid acting on them, and any help which can be given to such people definitely should be given. Those who do choose to act on their desires, well, that's when my cut-it-off instinct comes in, but there are probably some who are horrified by having done it and want help to ensure they never do it again.

I was sexually abused weekly from the ages of seven to nine (and in fact quite a few other times but they were all after I was 12 and looked like a grown woman).

You could use some of these

http://blogs.motorbiker.org/blogs.nsf/dx/slowing-vehicles-down--salem-ohio.htm

to help flush out any in your area

Paedophile helpline may help cut risk of offence

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