jokes to brighten your friday, courtesy of miss_squiddy

I liked these so much, I had to share.

"My car was making a whining noise. So I pulled over and threw away my Morrisey CD. That seemed to fix it."

"I just read a book on hedgehogs. It would have been easier on paper."

"The sign outside the cafe said 'Today's Special'. I thought 'That's nice.'"

"I got one of those anti-bullying wristbands. I didn't buy it. I took it from a fat kid."

"My friend drowned recently so for the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life ring. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

and another, from a work colleague -

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found
inner peace.

The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off all the
things you have started".

So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't
finished .. and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a
bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine , the Baileys, three Bacardi
Breezers, the Jack Daniels, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a
box of chocolates.

You have no idea how bloody good I feel.

nicked from mr_targ

( NOOOO!!!!!! NO NO NO NO!!!! I refuse to accept this result! )