the Further Adventures of Emmeline May's Imune System

[emmelinemay]

You all have to be nice to me today because the mean¹ doctor took my blood away.

It's not that I'm afraid of needles per se - they do make me feel sick and panicky, but I don't think it's the actual needle itself. I'm fine with tattoo needles, less fine with piercing needles. It's more the actual thing-sticking-into-your-vein-taking-blood-away-or-putting-stuff-in thing that gets me. I hate having a drip in hospital, I hate having blood tests. If I wasn't prevented from being able to give blood for a number of reasons, I'd hate that too. I'd never be a heroin addict!

I was thinking, as I lay there with my legs in the air, as you do, of Amy Winehouse. Latest pictures show her husband covered in deep vicious scratches, and her merely a shadow of a skeleton of a once pretty girl, with blood seeping from her toes through her thin ballet shoes. I find her a tragically sad figure, she was so beautiful, and she's so talented, and she's little more than a shell now.

I wonder, would she have ended up this way without the fame? If we are self-destructive individuals will we always walk that path, or is there something about 'celebrity' that makes that downward spiral all the more likely? Maybe people who are more likely to walk that path seek out fame, as a way to fill whatever is lacking inside. Would Owen Wilson have tried to take his life if he was just a good looking young chap working in an office? Does the fame drive you to *it*? Or does *it* drive you to fame? Or is it time we stopped seeing celebrities as somehow 'other', and recognised that they are real people, they just have jobs that put them in the paper more often?

I guess then we are going into the realm of the 20th (21st?) century phenomena of the 'cult of the celebrity' - which I haven't really thought about enough to even have a stream of conciousness about, let alone a coherent theory.

There is a clever paragraph here linking the cult of the celebrity to the 10th anniversary of the death of some woman that wasn't terribly important in the daily lives of 99% of this country and yet turned 90% of the country into desperate mourners while the remaining 10% of us, apparently including that woman's mother-in-law, looked on in bafflement at the fuss that was being made. I can't quite put in into words, so just make the paragraph up in your head. POst it here if you like.

Thus endeth the stream of conciousness, brought to you by being sat in a terribly uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassing position while being prodded in a place one would rather not be prodded.³


1 - Actually, she wasn't mean at all, she was lovely, helpful, informative and understanding without being patronising. Score for the NHS!²
2 - I'm fine by the way, routine tests, innit. You should all get them, regardless of whether you have existing problems. Tests are free. Be healthy, be safe, and all that. You know you can have something you can pass on, and never get symptoms your self? trufax.
3 - Well, obviously, there are certain occasions where you do very much want to be prodded there, by certain people. But on those occasions, I tend to be concentrating on the task in hand. Honest.

edit - here is a link to an article about Amy Winehouse and her fella, with the now infamous 'bleeding shoes, scratched face' pictures. At the very bottom is a picture of her before all of this, from 2003. Read the article at your own risk, it's the Daily Mail after all.

Comments

[miss-soap.livejournal.com]

I wonder, would she have ended up this way without the fame?

It was her inner demons which created the music which gained her fame in the first place. She's not the first tortured artist and she won't be the last. We're just having it thrust in our faces because the media like to do that.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

It's weird, this is the first time I've really felt desperately sorry for a 'famous' person. I'm not a fan, although I can see she's very talented. I guess in the depression/self-harm/self-destruction I recognise a little of myself a few years ago. I just want to hug her and tell her it's ok to be messed up, and that she's not a bad person.

[yaruar.livejournal.com]

she's probably belt you round the head for your troubles though.
although it's interesting to see peoples reactions to her compared to pete dogherty. People on the whole seem to feel revulsion to him and a desire for him to be locked away, whereas with her they feel sympathy. Whereas maybe he deserves more sympathy because as least he admits his addictions whereas she is still in denial.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

Very true. I guess it's more the sorties of the depression and self harm that get me, and, if I'm honest, because she's a girl.I guess i identify with her in a weird way, that's how i could have ended up had i carried on down that self destructive path, had i met the wrong people. You know?

She's just at that point where no one can help her except herself. She can either decide to sort herself out, and get help, or not. And if she doesn't that's probably it for her, and that makes me feel so sad. It's weird, watching someone take their own life in that way, so very publicly. But as Lyssa said, it's the same story, over and over, isn't it?

[yaruar.livejournal.com]

I suspect it's made worse because the behaviour is probably encouraged in "artistic" circles where being a tortured artist gains qudos. That and the whole obsession with thinness being a sign of success for stars (apparantly chrystal meth is the diet fad of choice in certain hollywood/music circles and is actively pushed by stylists in the same way coke is pushed to young teenage models)

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

self destruction is 'cool', in a way. I've felt that myself, when i was really ill, and one of the big steps to overcome it was letting go of that.

It's hard to explain with out it sounding really offensive or patronising, but being fucked up is 'cooler' than fixing yourself. Does that make sense? I often wonder how many people end up with drug and alcohol problems in a bizarre version of 'keeping up with the joneses'.

[miss-soap.livejournal.com]

Take away the fame and talent and she's one of us, essentially.

[blu-matt.livejournal.com]

She eats, sleeps and shits just like everyone else: she's one of us regardless of the opinion the media likes to give people.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

from the look of her, i doubt she eats :(

[toripink.livejournal.com]

I went for all my tests when I started seeing Eddie - I had to do hypnotherapy to get over my needle phobia but it was worth it to be 100% sure that I wasn't putting someone I loved in possible danger. Even if you're careful it's not always foolproof. I've wanted to do it for ages and now I think I could possibly give blood which was unthinkable 2 months ago.

As I was in said uncomfortable position, I was telling the doctor and nurses about the hypnotherapy and we were all laughing about accents. Seems a bit strange when someone you don't know is poking about down there and you're all giggling like eejots.

[angel-emma.livejournal.com]

Those pictures really upset me :( I love Amy and it's such a shame she has ended up so fucked in the head really. I think she is hugely talented and as others have said it's that tourtured soul in her that created the music in the first place. She probably would have ended up the same way without the "fame" but the money she has probably helped fund her drug habits which is why it's gotten as bad as it is :( Hope she sorts herself out soon.

I hate hate hate blood tests and I'd rather have the rest of my body tattooed than have another one! Even having my blood pressure taken makes me feel feint!

[glamgothruthy.livejournal.com]

yeah i think about amy winehouse alot - as i think she is such a great talent who's killing herself - i did my dissertation at uni about the cult of celebrity...got a first..

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

did you? wow - that's really interesting! It's something i think about sometimes, but i haven't done enough reading to make a coherent argument out of it. It does seem to me though that 'celebrity' has become a proper 'cult' almost in the religious sense of the word, where they are worshipped, venerated, and all of that. Don't we say we 'idolise' famous people? 'Pop idol'?

Very interesting...

[glamgothruthy.livejournal.com]

well it was an art degree - so the cult of the artist as celebrity, refering to tracey emin and warhol - all a bit arty - if i remember and can find it - i could email it too you.. its a bit of a hard read - and i wrote it

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

yeah, i find some of my 3rd year uni essays hard going!!