I know that anecdote =/= the singular of data, but my theory is sort of based on the way i felt as my time in interlock drew to an end. Ever since i was a little girl (troubled family life...) i wanted to be famous. As Interlock got more well known, and I got worse mentally, and then subsequently better, I came to the realisation that my desire to be fame was a lot more to do with my state of mind, my internal issues, my inner demons, my need to be accepted and loved, my need to stick in in the eye of those that bullied me at school.
As i got better, i managed to pull myself off that path of destruction, and funnily enough, the desire to be 'famous' was replaced with a desire to be 'happy'.
I hated being recognised by people i didn't know, I hated my name being mis-spelt in magazines. I hated people thinking they knew me because they'd read an interview, seen me on stage. I *hated* it. One someone i didn't know came up to me in a club, and they gave me a drink, and it was my 'drink of chouce' at the time. I had a panic attack over that. Odd, isn't it?
I has a similar thing when I lost a lot of weight. I'd always believed 'when I'm thin, I'll be happy'. I got thin. I wasn't happy. My whole world view crumbles, and the world falls over. That was the time i can pinpoint as when my depressive tendencies spiralled down into full on depression.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-09-05 10:13 am (UTC)As i got better, i managed to pull myself off that path of destruction, and funnily enough, the desire to be 'famous' was replaced with a desire to be 'happy'.
I hated being recognised by people i didn't know, I hated my name being mis-spelt in magazines. I hated people thinking they knew me because they'd read an interview, seen me on stage. I *hated* it. One someone i didn't know came up to me in a club, and they gave me a drink, and it was my 'drink of chouce' at the time. I had a panic attack over that. Odd, isn't it?
I has a similar thing when I lost a lot of weight. I'd always believed 'when I'm thin, I'll be happy'. I got thin. I wasn't happy. My whole world view crumbles, and the world falls over. That was the time i can pinpoint as when my depressive tendencies spiralled down into full on depression.