From one of my fellow rollergirls

[emmelinemay]

Boris Johnson in his own words
The wannabe mayor on race, sex and politics

On homosexuality

"Gay marriage can only ever be a ludicrous parody of the real thing."
· Daily Telegraph, 2005

"If gay marriage was OK - and I was uncertain on the issue - then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men; or indeed three men and a dog."
· From his book, Friends, Voters, Countrymen, 2001

"We don't want our children being taught some rubbish about homosexual marriage being the same as normal marriage, and that is why I am more than happy to support Section 28."
· Daily Telegraph, 2000

"The clerics gave us [journalists] a wigging for being so mean to the Church of England ... Why did we draw attention to tricky subjects like homosexuality, aka the Pulpit Poofs issue?"
· The Spectator, 2000

"I'm not bisexual so far ... not that I would condemn myself if I later discovered I were."
· Daily Telegraph, 2008

On Africa

"No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird."
· In 2002, on Tony Blair's visit to the Democratic of Republic of Congo, Daily Telegraph

"Right, let's go and look at some more piccaninnies."
· Reported remark, while visiting Uganda, to Swedish Unicef workers and their black driver, the Observer, 2003

On the Commonwealth

"It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies."
· Daily Telegraph, 2002

On failing to recognise his Filipina housekeeper

"When our housekeeper appeared on stage in her hot pink strapless number [as a finalist of the Mrs Philippines 2005 contest in London], I failed at first to recognise her, surrounded as she was by 10 other Filipina mums, each shimmering in every shade from fuchsia to Germolene ... Was that Luz, the No 6, the one with the cleavage? Or was she No 5, with the smile? Surely she wasn't No 11, the one with the legs. No: wait - that was her, with her hair up. No 8! 'We want eight,' we screamed, and waved at good old Luz, a woman who has been exposed to the full horror of the Johnson family washing and yet contrived to look little short of $1m.
· The Spectator, 2005

On his prospects

"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."
· The Independent, 2004

George Bush and Iraq

"He liberated Iraq. It is good enough for me."
· Daily Telegraph, 2004

"The Americans were perfectly happy to go ahead and whack Saddam merely on the grounds that he was a bad guy, and that Iraq and the world would be better off without him; and so indeed was I."
· Daily Telegraph, 2003

On Islam

"The most viciously sectarian of all religions in its heartlessness towards unbelievers."
· The Spectator, 2005

On race

"I'm down with the ethnics. You can't out-ethnic me, Nihal ... My children are a quarter Indian, so put that in your pipe and smoke it."
· To Nihal Arthanayake, BBC Asian Network, 2008

On cannabis

"It was jolly nice. But apparently it is very different these days. Much stronger. I've become very illiberal about it. I don't want my kids to take drugs."
· GQ, 2007

On sex

"I've slept with far fewer than 1,000."
· On whether he has slept with fewer than 30 women, like Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg, Daily Telegraph, 2008

"An inverted pyramid of piffle."
· The Mail on Sunday, 2004, on allegations that he had an affair with Petronella Wyatt, later confirmed.

On obesity

"Nothing but their own fat fault."

On transport

"I don't believe [using a mobile phone at the wheel] is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on."
· Daily Telegraph, 2002

"The whole county of Hampshire was lying back and opening her well-bred legs to be ravished by the Italian stallion."
· GQ, while in a Ferrari

On Liverpool

"A society that has become hooked on grief and likes to wallow in a sense of
vicarious victimhood."
· A Spectator editorial, 2004 (Johnson didn't write the editorial, but he approved it)

On his arts role

"Look, the point is ... er, what is the point? It is a tough job but somebody has got to do it."
· On being appointed Tory Arts spokesman, 2004

On stag hunting

"I remember the guts streaming, and the stag turds spilling out on to the grass from within the ventral cavity ... This hunting is best for the deer."
· From his book Lend Me Your Ears



I will admit, he is entertaining in his idiocy.

But do we really want an entertaining idiot as Mayor? Come on now.

Comments

[sera-squeak.livejournal.com]

I read an article the other day that said something about how he's not anywhere near as stupid as he comes across - the bumbling idiocy is apparently fairly cultivated.

Mind you, that's not going to make me vote for him either.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

I'm quite sure it's all part of the image.

Ken may have many, many flaws; but he's got a pretty good track record of actually Being Mayor.

I *hate* bendy buses, being a cyclist, but even I can see they make much more sense than the cute old routemasters.

[jaketherat.livejournal.com]

The bus question couldn't be more simple to my mind - scrap bendy buses and just have regular double deckers with conductors on them.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

Or stick with bendy buses, seeing as all that money's already been spent on them, and way more people (and people in wheelchairs, and people with buggies) fit on them, and put conductors on them.

[jaketherat.livejournal.com]

Do they really fit more people than double deckers? They take up more road space, which seems odd for a bus designed to ease congestion, and have an alarming tendency to kill people.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

I think we've come up with a solution - bendy buses as night buses!!

they do have a greater capacity, yeah, and can fit more than one person in a wheelchair, many of the older double deckers don't even have one.

Routemasters are out anyway, as you can't get any people on there who use a wheelchair. Got to meet the DDA!

I may not like bendy buses for me, but there are pros and cons.

[jaketherat.livejournal.com]

Kneeling double deckers are just as wheelchair friendly as bendy buses. Routemasters are definitely out though, they were cold, dangerous, inacessible and shit. They did look pretty though.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

that grauniad link is great -

David Mitchell
Comedian

"Boris as mayor? Lovely to see other comedians getting work, but four years is a bit long for a comedy routine."

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

I will definitely be voting Ken. If the worst any of us can say about him is that bendy buses are bad, he's acknowledged that himself already and said they won't be buying any more and will gradually phase out the current ones.
Thing is though, annoying as they are, what can we replace them with that is as accessible for disabled people?

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

That's one of the reasons I don't hate them as much as I sort of do, if you see what I mean. Ok, they might not be cute, like the routemasters, and they might be fucking ARSES to cycle around, but there's so much space for wheelchair users, and people with children in buggies.

They're DIFFERENT and we don't like DIFFERENCE here in london.

I just wish they'd use a bloody bendy bus as a nightbus for the 73 - as soon as it's a nightbus it goes back to being a double decker, and they're always full and sail past you. I've waited over an hour before I've been able to get on one before now. It was the point at which I was swearing at the back of the 3rd 73 to pass me and wishing it was a bendy bus rather than a double decker that I realised I really ought to stop cursing them at bus stops.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a bendy bus can hold 135 people (and I'm sure they squeeze a few more in on the 73), as opposed to around 80 on a normal bus. Definitely useful on a nightbus. In fact, they're ideal night buses, as there isn't as much other traffic around, so they should just use them for that!

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

We should run for mayor!!

I already know what my platform would be, as I've been espousing it all Whitby -

Put Witches Hats back into playgrounds and resurface them with concrete.

That will prevent teen violence - what kids need is to hurt themselves really badly on dangerous playground equipment to give them a solid awareness of pain and mortality.

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

I'd vote for you!

[jaketherat.livejournal.com]

I can confirm that. When he came to the NO2ID hustings the contrast between backstage Boris (bad tempered, calculated, perceptive) and public Boris (hail-fellow-well-met, charming, you-know-drill) couldn't have been more startling.

[sera-squeak.livejournal.com]

I suppose that any politician or public figure has a certain degree of a "public self" which they cultivate simply because they're in the public eye. That said, the difference in Boris and Boris must be quite marked.

[jaketherat.livejournal.com]

Actually Brian Paddick seemed exactly the same, although that may indicate that he's just more of a pro and doesn't let the mask drop. Ken I couldn't tell you about as he declined to show (Labour reps aren't allowed to talk about ID in public) and so was represented by a life sized cardboard cutout.

[sera-squeak.livejournal.com]

Really? Interesting. Although maybe it's more practiced/professional given that he was a policeman - I'd imagine that you'd not be allowed to be giving too much away then.

I haven't voted yet, I am going to do so although I've still not made my mind up. Thank goodness for polling stations opening until 10pm!