i need to repeat myself, it seems.

[emmelinemay]

2 days ago, i wrote this.

Last night, on my way home on the night bus, a man kept rubbing his arm on mine, so i moved away. He put his hand on my back and says something like 'you ok?'. I say 'fine thanks' and move as far away as I can (not very far as the bus was crowded). He then grabs hold of my arm and says, 'oi. you ALRIGHT?'. 'Look,' i say, 'you don't go round touching women you don't know? ok? don't touch me. It's rude.'.

At which point, he says, 'why would i want to touch you, you fucking filthy lezza?'

Yes. Well done. Any woman that doesn't want your attention is clearly a lesbian. What other sort of woman would resist your manly might?

Comments

[poggs.livejournal.com]

He defines crass.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

he, unfortunately, is not an isolated incident. Almost every man who has approached me in that way has got aggressive and/or abusive when you say no. They don't seem to understand that it is intimidating, not to mention bad manners.

I've also been called a crack whore and a slut recently for not accepting advances.

[poggs.livejournal.com]

If only they understood the irony of accusing you of being a slut because you *don't* like being touched up on the bus.

[littleangel-103.livejournal.com]

No he doesn't, he probably can't spell it!

[minigoth.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really hate men like that!

[bluekieran.livejournal.com]

This is essentially the only answer that makes sense to me, although I realise it won't always be possible.

You're not going to reach them through LJ, obviously. You need a storyline in Eastenders, one in Corrie and a front-page article in the Sun (or maybe something on Page 3) at the minimum.

[littleangel-103.livejournal.com]

I once read of a woman who, sick of such advances and before saying anything else, grabbed the offending hand, raised it over her head and said loudly "Anyone misplaced a hand? I've just found it, on my arse."

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

Something similar happened to me on the silverlink about 4 years ago. I used to get it to work, the journey was an hour, and i always used to use that hour to sleep, listening to my cd player. Only way to survive the silverlink!

Once, i woke up feeling something on my bum, at first, a bit groggy, i thought it was something in my back pocket, then i realised the guy next to me had got his hand under my arse and was having a damn got squeeze.

I leapt up, said to the whole tube at large,"this pervert was touching my up while i slept." and hit him very hard over the head with my cd player.

Then i just moved carriages, and everyone else just stared at him while he looked like he wanted to just disappear...

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

i swear to god I'm wearing a sign. I get it ALL THE TIME.

It is worse now i'm blonde than when I used to dress gothy, back then i'd fill the usual goth bingo card:

it's too early for halloween
it's moticia!
back from the dead are you?
what the fuck do you think you look like?
OI! OI! Freak!! hahaha! you're a FREAK! hahaha

and so on.

When i went blonde, and started dressing in more colourful mor normal stuff, it got more frequent, and less critical and more 'hey, a girl! she must want my attention!'.

It's at its worse when i have long loose extensions, blonde dreads, or when i have my bob blow-dried loose.

If I put my hair up in a pony tail or bunches? Doesn't happen. Well, not as often.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

i don't think it's necessarily related to being attractive - more female!!

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

then i am either wearing a sign, or have some sort of weirdo-magnet implant.

or it's the blonde hair. Perhaps the blonde=bimbo image in the media is more deep rooted than we realise?

[blonde-venus.livejournal.com]

I get LOADS of this kind of stuff. Definitely something to do with being blonde.
Not nearly as bad now I've got dreads in permanently though. I tend to get more nutters / abuse than chat-ups or perving.

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

An excellent way of dealing with it, shame you've had to have so much practice.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

I clearly have a wanker magnet installed somewhere. I attract total dickheads.

I would like to exchange it for a hot-single-6'ish tall-indie-boy magnet, please.

[lightinthedark.livejournal.com]

Hi,
6'6", single, and have been called hot in the past (though admittedly by previous girlfriends who were probably biased / mad), not a creep I promise :-)

I wonder if you can get some sort of mini rubber-stamp that just says "Pervert" on it that you could whip out and stamp on the forehead of guys that grab your arse etc. That'd be fun, embarrasing, and would warn any other girl that the guy approaches (at least until he gets to a tap to wash his forehead).

Hello
:-Lightinthedark

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

you're also a christian, and i'm an atheist.

actually, i identify more as a pastafarian than an atheist...

[lightinthedark.livejournal.com]

'Tis a noble faith, but not one I share.
Still, it was worth a shot since you seemed to be looking for a non-tosser. ... though I'll admit this thread may not have been the best place to put myself forward :-/ Hey ho.

Hello
:-Lightinthedark

[gaius-octavian.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing he hadn't read your earlier post...

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

i did consider the irony at the time, that if the guy in question were handed my previous rant to read, he simply wouldn't understand my point.

See, most of you guys get it, at least on some level. The guys that do this will never understand why we react to them the way we do, and will never understand that their behaviour is simply unacceptable.

[miss-soap.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should print out a small-word, condensed version and hand it like a flyer to offenders.

Alternatively I'm with Kieran; have them arrested.

[emmelinemay.livejournal.com]

Have them arrested for what? Being a wanker on public transport?

While it could be seen as harassment, it could also take time away from police who might otherwise be dealing with actual violence, rather than the fear/implication of it.

I've been googling for possible existing pressure groups or campaigns about this, and so far drawn a blank, other than reclaim the night, which is a bit more specific, although relevant, as the sort of casual arrogance/aggression i've described happens all the time, and not just at night. It's just at night, the risk of actual attack is far higher.

[bluekieran.livejournal.com]

Talk/write to the police for advice - they will know exactly at what point it becomes a crime, exactly which laws are being broken, and under what circumstances they are likely to be able to do anything about it.

They may also have some useful canned advice for minimizing the risk of actual attack, although most of it probably falls under the common sense category.

[angel-emma.livejournal.com]

If you can be arrested and taken to court for racist remarks said to someone on a bus then the same can be done for touching someone. One of my clients is a WPC with Transport Police and they are always arresting people for things like this. I am seeing her next week I will ask her.

[unclesatan.livejournal.com]

Touching somebody without their permission is a battery.

The guy who grabed your arse had clearly commited a sexual assault, but the guy who kept touching your arm has commited a battery and possibly an assault if he made you fear for your own safety

[miss-soap.livejournal.com]

Offensive touching is assault and you can have someone arrested for it. You can certainly ask the driver to eject him from the bus.

[pygar.livejournal.com]

when someone asks you a that question just smile with a little venom in your eyes and say 'im fine, mainly because i have a can of mace in easy reach'.

you can tag the word fucker at the end if you wish.

but im pretty sure they will take the hint.

[deviblue.livejournal.com]

My advice...get a tazer.

or if someone does something like that again set an attack alarm off in thier face

[pygar.livejournal.com]

sorry hon. great idea but tazers are a sick bird.

[bettiebebe.livejournal.com]

what a fuckin spaz. clearly he does it all the time.

PIRATES

[waynefromlorain.livejournal.com]

Hey Emmy didn't you know that female pirates are a hot item now? These guys like dangerous looking women and don't know the proper way to approach you. Just a theory.

[cloudwalker-3.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. He sounds like a really nasty piece of work. Hopefully he will die soon. Painfully. Preferably of a sexual disease that necessitates amputating his sexual organs with a blunt breadknife a few days before his expiration.

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

KILL MAIM DESTROY!

Shame D Locks are not neccessary on a bus.